McLEAN, VA—In an age when your dinner date is sitting across the table from you and texting or someone is taking a selfie with the dearly departed, is there any room for manners?
Hilton Worldwide thinks so and has enlisted the aid of etiquette enthusiast and author Steven Petrow to be the global hotel chain’s advocate regarding contemporary courtesies and modern manners.
“Although we have made great strides as a company in our efforts to make all guests feel welcome, we know that diversity of thought and experience is important for any organization, and we always look for new ways for us to further connect with our guests,” said Andrew Flack, VP/global marketing for Hilton. “Steven has been writing about etiquette for the past 20 years for outlets such as The Washington Post and USA Today; he has been helping Americans deal with new situations, where they don’t necessarily have experience navigating the waters.”
Much of that uncertainty hovers around the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community, which has emerged as a strong force—particularly in its consumer-buying power—as social mores have shifted, with inclusion being the watchword for this decade.
Indeed, as part of the partnership launch, Petrow and Hilton hosted a Twitter chat called Modern Manners for Weddings, providing advice on attending or hosting a wedding for a same-sex couple. Petrow in 2011 wrote a book on the subject at the same time New York State legalized same-sex weddings.
“I wish I could say that the publisher and I had planned it that way; we didn’t. But, the appetite was strong for a smart and experienced guidebook to help gay and lesbian couples plan their nuptials. Frankly, I was surprised by how many straight family members and friends also were involved in the planning or expected to be guests,” he said
Petrow acknowledged, “While love equals love, there are definitely some twists when it comes to same-sex weddings. Two brides or grooms will often walk down the aisle without a parent giving them away or, if they have kids, they will walk along with them. Many of our relatives find themselves confused by how to refer to two men or women who are married. The gold standard is now ‘husbands’ and ‘wives,’ although some couples refer to each other as ‘spouse’ or ‘partner.’ It’s important to listen to the language couples use.”
Flack said Hilton will work with Petrow this year to help support efforts for both guests and Hilton team members through initiatives that could range from company-wide and on-property diversity and inclusion training to revamping marketing language and images.
“Hilton is continually building on the training we provide to team members to make sure they are prepared to make all guests feel respected, cared for and welcome,” said Flack.
In addition, Petrow will deliver updates on a monthly feature on Hilton.com/GoOut. He recently posted updates recapping his experience at the 26th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in New York at the Waldorf Astoria, where Hilton was the exclusive hotel partner and host as well as at Washington, DC’s Capital Pride, where Hilton was the Ruby Presenting Sponsor and official hotel partner.
As to the impact of technology on manners, Petrow said, “In so many ways, we continue to stumble along, feeling our way with every post or tweet. And, otherwise ‘civilized’ people, who wouldn’t dream of offending anyone or violating their privacy in their terrestrial lives, are horrified to find themselves on the wrong side of the etiquette superhighway, traveling as they are without a guidebook when it comes to social graces in a virtual world [Petrow hopes to end that dilemma in part with his next book].
“At the same time, many of us like to blame these new platforms and devices instead of pointing the finger where it really belongs: at ourselves. Sure, new tech toys enable bad manners, but I think the challenges we see are more the result of the lack of personal responsibility. When I see a group of friends texting at a restaurant, for instance, my ire is not with their smartphones, but with their fingers.”
—Stefani C. O’Connor